The Chronicles of a Bored Ninja
by WingedNinja28
Summary: What happens when Percy starts a boy-band because of his polka skills? What about when Thalia learns to majestically ride lamps? Or when Annabeth forgets to shave or use deoderant? What happens when Zeus doesn't take his meds? Since when does Percy take yoga? And what do rhinos have to do with anything? Okay, this is a total crackfic. With all due respect and all that.
1. Freaking Majestic

**What do you get when you add me and boredom? This. This is what you get:) Be ready for the randomness. **

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Percy was just chilling in a tire swing, ya know, all chill and stuff with his jet-black hair hanging all chill in his sea-green eyes. He was just chilling.

Then Thalia majestically showed up riding a majestic flying lamp. I'll tell you now, it was pretty freaking majestic. She then screamed "Come majestic flying lamp! This is for SPARTA!" As she raised her breakfast burro high above her head and flew away, her majestic lamp gliding majestically off into the sunset… It was freaking majestic.

Then Percy stopped being all chill and stuff and suddenly started doing the polka. Majestically, I might add. Finding out that his polka moves were majestic beyond measure, Percy then started his own boy-band. One day, years later, while riding his majestic pink, sparkly, banana-shaped tour bus, Percy got really board and ate all the members of his boy-band. Then a random piece of neon green poster-board appeared out of nowhere in a puff of kitty-litter, and started speaking Spanish. Percy sighed really dramatically, killed the poster board and flew back to New York. Did I mention that it was _f__reaking majestic_?

There, he met Annabeth, who over the years has grown a wispy grey mustache, and stopped using deodorant. "PERCY!" She cried, raising her arms up into the air. Because of her lack of deodorant, everything around her died, and the Hubble telescope suddenly crashed into the earth. This brought on the apocalypse.

50,000 years later, due to Hubble telescope radiation, everyone turned into a professional boxer, and peanut butter ruled the world. One day, some god named Artemis decided that it was high-time to turn everyone into tree-hugging hippies. To stop the violence, after all. Then, these tree-hugging hippies turned into cannibals, and started eating each other. Everyone started to die.

Once, a random tree-hugging hippie dropped his dinner knife on his foot and screamed so loudly that what little population of the world was left all went deaf. And since everyone was deaf, nobody knew not to stare at the sun, so everyone stared at the sun. So everyone went blind. And then the world spontaneously exploded because _SOME _random blind, deaf, tree-hugging cannibalistic idiot tripped, and pushed a button at a random nuclear power plant. Therefore launching all the world's nuclear weapons and everyone died.

The end.

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**Majestic randomness, it's the only way to go;) This was a little one shot, but I might come back to this... if I'm ever bored enough to write another one of these. **


	2. Unicorns

_As I said in the last chapter, if I ever feel in a random mood, I would make another one of these. Well... here it is...! Enjoy! Or not. Flames are not appreciated, but expected. _

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One day, out in the middle of the underworld, there was an old, fat grey unicorn.

Well, the official term would be a "rhino", but this particular old, fat grey unicorn didn't like to be labeled.

Despite his outward appearance, this unicorn knew that he was not only majestic, but also freaking sexy. He knew, deep down, that he was the sexiest unicorn in all the land. But this rhino's self-esteem isn't the point. So this authoress is going to go just that: get back to the point.

So, anyway, this particular sexy, old, fat grey unicorn had an owner. This owner just so happened to have daughter, who had an aunt, whose dogs' mother has absolutely nothing to do with this story at the moment. Maybe later.

So one day, Zeus got mad because he forgot to take his pills and made Mt. Olympus suddenly crash into New York City on Christmas.

"_MERRY FREAKING CHRISTMAS!" _ Zeus boomed as he designated all the world's corn.

Totally unrelated to the events in New York, Percy was taking yoga from a bearded woman with a bald head in Australia. Percy was taking his yoga lessons with Blackjack the Pegasus.

Both were, in fact, rocking the tight-fitting, boot-cut, 80's yoga pants. Blackjack was even wearing the yoga sports-bra. I mean, he's gotta cover up those winged horse boobs _somehow _right? Unlike the above mentioned rhino- no, I mean _sexy unicorn_, Blackjack wasn't _nearly _as majestic.

Anyway, Blackjack was totally pissed off because his bro the unicorn was never _once _mentioned in the book series. He said that he blames Noah and his arc.

Stupid Noah made the unicorns remove their horns at customs. And the unicorns that _did _manage to keep their horns got fat and didn't age well.

The two continued to do their yoga, the downward dog and all that, when suddenly the Mission Impossible theme song randomly started blaring from out of nowhere.

Nico suddenly - appropriately, even – smashed dramatically through a nearby window. How that random window got there, Percy had no idea. Nico swooped in wearing an all-black spy outfit, holding a random bomb.

Then, eyes wide, Nico screamed "RUN!" Just as a horde of all the unicorns (that _finally _got their horns back from customs) barged into the broken window to seek revenge for all of those horn-deprived centuries that they will _never _get back. Then Nico pulled an _I Am Legend _and set off the bomb that he was holding.

"See you at the next Grammies!" Percy waved as the bomb went off.

Blackjack and Percy took to the skies, away from the rabid unicorns, the destroyed yoga-house, and a now _very_ pissed bald, bearded lady. They needed to get out of there fast. She was looking to sue, and, worse, cancel their membership.

Percy and Blackjack made it back to Camp, only to find out that Victoria Secret had gone out of business. Why? Because _Star _magazine found out that Victoria's Secret was that she was, in fact, a virgin.

This pissed Annabeth off, so she killed every boy-band singer out there.

Then Zeus got pissed again because he forgot to take his meds _again, _and caused a huge asteroid to hit the planet and almost everyone died. Well, almost everyone. Percy and Annabeth stood at the edge of a random cliff overlooking the now post-apocalyptic Earth.

"Wow," Percy said.

"Got that right, Seaweed-Brain," said Annabeth in awe.

She and Percy then began to passionately kiss.

I mean, you might as well kiss as passionately as you possibly can, it's the end of the world and almost everyone's dead. What else have you got to do?

So they were passionately kissing on the edge of a huge cliff, overlooking the crystal-clear waters of the ocean that now made up most of the earth. The sun began to set, leaving fiery-pink trails across the dark, glittering sky. Hollywood couldn't even live up to the beauty of that moment. The moon began to raise, bright, full, and beautiful. The sun still lingered on the horizon, a once and a lifetime scene.

Percy and Annabeth broke apart and sat in the grass of the cliff, together, hand-in-hand, and just watched. Fireflies fluttered all around them, like golden tear drops in the dusky sky. The last people on Earth said nothing, they just watched.

There are some things that money can't buy. But for everything else, there's _MasterCard._

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_Haha... So I guess a review is out of the question now... huh? _


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